Help! We're trapped in a Fanfiction
by Isla Weasley
Summary: Albus, Rose, Lily, Fred and Molly meet a strange girl on the Hogwarts Express, from then on, everything goes wrong. With a little Ravenclaw studying and Gryffindor courage, they find they are in a FANFICTION! How will they ever escape the weird land of Mary-Sue's, terribly awful descriptions and OoC Characters appearing at any time? Fun thing, not serious but reviews appreciated!


**Chapter One: A Muggle-born with Magical Parents. (Because it's soo true!)**

"Excuse me, but could me and my friends sit here, everywhere else is full?" A beautiful little girl with long, chestnut brown hair and sapphire blue eyes asked politely. She seemed sort of scribbled, looked a little rough around the edges, like she'd been cut out of a magazine and pasted down carefully so that the air bubbles didn't show. Her clothes seemed a little vividly coloured, although they were black Hogwarts Robes. She wore bright red Converse Trainers.

"Um, sure." Albus Potter said to the girl, edging along the seat to make room for the girl. "Budge up, Rose, Lils." He squashed up to his sister Lily and looked at his cousins, Fred and Molly so that they would move up too.

The girl walked into the carrige, three other girls and a dashingly handsome boy followed her. They all had the seemingly cut out, vividly coloured look about them too.

"Thank you," she said, graciously "My name is Poppy Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?" Molly Weasley asked. "As in, Albus Dumbledore?"

"Oh, yes." Poppy said "Dumbledore is my Uncle. I am the daughter of his sister, Ariana."

"But Ariana Dumbledore would have been one hundred and sixty if she was still alive, plus she never had a child!" Rose Weasley said.

"Ah, but the rules of a Mary-Sue make it fine for me to be related to Dumbledore. My father is Voldemort too."

Everybody in the carrige went silent and Albus's eyes widened "Um..." he said, swerving away from the Voldemort topic "What's a Mary-Sue?"

"A muggle thing." Poppy said.

"Are you Muggle-Born?" Lily Potter asked curiously.

"Yes. I am in first year, these are my friends, Denise and Lotta are pure-bloods, so is Anna and Sam is Pure-Blood too."

"I'm not really sure there's that many pure-bloods in first year..." began Molly.

"But that's ridiculous!" Rose interupted "You-Know-Who wasn't born when Ariana Dumbledore died, and she was a squib anyway, You-Know-Who was Half-Blood so you can't be muggleborn!"

"I am Muggle-Born!" Poppy said, her hair turning red.

"Wow!" said Fred, dreamily "You're a metaphormagus!"

"Yes, I can change my appearance at will." Poppy said, changing her hair back to brown.

"Well, um..." said Albus, trying to keep the peace "I'm Albus Potter and these are my cousins. There's Rose and Molly who are in the same year as me, sixth and in Ravenclaw. I'm in Gryffindor. There's Fred in fourth year, Gryffindor and my sister Lily, fourth year, Gryffindor."

"I'm going to be in Gryffindor." Poppy said.

"Really? Do you have any blood history?" An oblivious Lily asked.

"My mother was a squib and my father was in Slytherin..."

"Ha!" Rose cried "See!"

"No, you are forgetting Mary-Sue law!" Little Poppy said.

"What in Merlin's name is a Mary-Sue?" Fred asked Albus who shrugged.

Suddenly there was a bang and a rough edged, more tanned than usual Scorpius Malfoy appeared out of nowhere. "Hi, Rose." He said.

"Scorpius! You're not old enough to apparate yet!" Poppy shouted at the boy.

"Oh well." Scorpius looked at Poppy in disgust and then blew a kiss at Rose before apparating.

"What was that about?" Molly asked.

"It was very OoC." Poppy commented.

"What?" the Weasley-Potters asked.

"OoC. Muggle thing." Poppy explained vaugely.

"I don't really like the sound of this year already." Fred said.

"It feels like we're in some sort of Story written by a highly dumb fan of Dad's." Lily said in an offhand way.

"What? Like that Fanfiction that Mum showed us on Grandpa Granger's computer? About that muggle book we read, _Twilight?"_ Rose asked.

"Oh! I love Twilight!" Poppy said.

"I found it rather dull and bland." Molly said.

"Yeah, all that rubbish about werewolves, it's a good job Teddy hasn't read it."

"Did somebody just say my name?" Teddy Lupin put his head around the door, his hair was a much darker blue than normal and his ears weren't peirced. He was holding hands with his girlfriend, Victoire Weasley, who's hair had amazingly turned Weasley orange, her usual slim figure larger and she gave off an important aura of highness.

"Hi, Albus. I work here now. I'm going to be the headteacher and Victoria is going to be Magic History Teacher." Said Teddy _(A.N: Another deliberate mistake, anything wrong is a deliberate mistake.) _

"But I thought you were gonna be an Auror?" Albus said.

"No, me and Victoria are married now so we're going to be teachers instead."

"Um... Congratulations." Rose said. "Al, Lil, Mol, Fred. A word." She dragged them out of the carrige but Fred went back in because Poppy was talking about how she is a transfer from Beauxbatons.

"Okay," Rose said "This doesn't seem right. First there's that wierd Poppy girl who's history does not make sense."

"And then there's Teddy and Victoire, who's now called _Victoria?"_ Albus added.

"And Poppy's apparantely a transfer from Beauxbatons although she's in first year." Lily put in.

"And Scorp was acting weird and arrogant." Rose sighed.

"And now we're talking in turn!" squeaked Lily.

"Something really isn't right." Albus said, watching a blonde haired girl wander down the train.

"Hello," she said in a dreamy sort of way, there was a vacant look about her and she too, seemed roughly cut out. "How are you. I am Elsie Longbottom."

"_Longbottom?"_ Rose said. "Hannah and Neville are the only Longbottom's I know..."

"Who is Hannah?" the girl said "My father is Neville Longbottom and my mother is Luna Lovegood."

"But..." began Lily.

"Neville had an _affair?"_ Albus said.

"My father and mother are respectfully married!" Elsie said. "If you are talking about Hannah Abbot, the Death Eater in Azkaban then I am highly offended!"

"Hannah? A Death Eater?" Rose looked at her cousins in disbelief. "No way. Professor Longbottom would have a fit!"

"Professor Longbottom? My mother and father are chefs in the Seafood Restaurant in London."

"Which one?" Lily asked eagerly.

"The one in London. You know, England."

Lily looked at Elsie.

"Oh look, a Blast-Ended Skrewt. I hear they're very rare." Elsie pointed to the air.

"Um..." Lily giggled, looking at Rose.

"Blast-Ended Skrewts can't fly." Rose said "Nor are they invisible."

"Yes they are." Elsie said "They fly into your head and make your brain all fuzzy."

The three Weasley-Potters backed into the carrige cautiously as Lily whispered to her brother "Is she talking about wrackspurts?"

_**A.N:**_

_**Hi Guys, so I'm really bored so here's a funny little thing. I think I'm going to enjoy this. At some point or other, they're going to find out they're in a FANFICTION! The horror! I really enjoy chopping up all the characters and making a right dogs dinner of them! Leave a comment and I'll comment on your stories! Critisicm is appreciated! What do you want to happen next? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to include it!**_

_**Love and Llama Hugs,**_

_**Isla xxx**_


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